He's Just Not That Into You

I saw this movie again this weekend and every time I do I’m reminded of the biggest lesson I’ve ever had to learn in my life and probably the longest it’s ever taken to learn it, over 19 months but at the end of it, I think I finally got it.

As women we never forget the first boy we ever had a crush on. In my case it was Kenny Bickins. At six years old, Kenny, who was 12, was my world. Then when I finally got the chance to talk to him, when he finally noticed me after months of following him around the apartment complex we lived in, he had me lie on his back on a Rough Rider sleigh and sent us both head first down a hill that ran the length of the complex, right into a tree at the bottom. The wind was rushing in ears, the smell of his hair and his coat blowing into my nose, the feel of the front of my whole body lying on top of his back, our legs intertwined,  at six years old, I had no clue what I was feeling, I just knew it felt good. And then came the bottom, the hitting of the tree, and the wind completely knocked out of me. I rolled off him, trying desperately to breathe, thinking I was surely going to die, feeling like an idiot because I was making noises that sounded remarkably like a trained seal. He asked if I was alright, slapped me on the back a couple times to get me breathing again telling me the whole time not to panic, that everything would be ok. Then he picked up his sleigh, ran back up the hill and never spoke to me again.

As women we tell each other all kinds of stories, fairy tales if you will. “Oh, he’s not calling because he lost your number”, “he’s not calling because he is intimidated by how beautiful you are”, “he’s not calling because he’s afraid of how smart you are”, “he's probably not calling because he’s been really busy with work”, blah blah blah. Fairy tales. From the moment we are little girls liking little boys, we’re told “Oh, he punched you because he likes you”, “he said mean things to you because really, he likes you”. Every time a guy acted like a jerk we’re told “Oh it’s because he likes you”. This is why we set ourselves up for disappointment; why we accept all kinds of behavior from men because really “he likes us”. That’s why he acts like an ass and treats us badly. "Really he likes us". Soon, we’re all going to have to wake up from this fairy tale and realize that any man that really wants you will make it happen. If he’s not making it happen, he’s just not that into you, period, no ifs, no ands, no buts, and no excuses. If a man wants you, he will make it happen.

We’ve all heard the stories about the friend of a friend who had a date with this guy and then he didn’t call for a year, when he finally did, they went out on another date and that was it. Now they’re married with a house in suburbia, a white picket fence and 2 ½ kids. We’ve all heard the story of the girl who meets a guy in the grocery store aisle and they both knew immediately they were “meant to be”. Now they’re happily married. And of course there is the ever enchanting “friend” story. You know, the one where the girl and guy are friends for years and suddenly wake up one day and realize they really love each other and they are now living happily ever after. What we want so desperately to believe is that this is the rule. It’s not. It’s the exception, and the sooner we get realistic about that, the sooner we can start living our lives for ourselves. We can all hope for our exception to come along one day, but we have to live by the rule. It’s much less disappointing that way and gives us empowerment and sends us out into the world on an even playing field. And that my friends is your happily ever after. Living your life strong in yourself, strong in your own knowledge that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.