Is it time that heals all wounds? I’ve heard this expression all my life and I always wondered why this was true. It became obvious to me early on that in fact it really was true but was it really the passing of time that healed wounds or was it actually something else? I learned a number of years ago that it is in fact, something else.
In the passing of time after a deep hurt, or “wound”, you experience other things in life. You meet new people; reconnect with old friends, family members, share stories and experiences, you go to work each day, and find new things that you enjoy, new people that you enjoy and you take comfort in the people you already know and the things you were already doing. In this process your perspective changes. You apply all of these new interactions to the wound like a salve, healing it a little at time. And as it scabs over, you know it’s there but it becomes less and less painful. Now if you dwell on this wound, it is like ripping the scab off over and over and it never seems to heal but if you leave it alone, don’t pick at it, in time you forget it’s there and it heals itself. In time, you find yourself looking back and thinking “Now what was I so upset about?” Ding ding ding! That is the sound of your perspective changing.
There is a life coach who says that you can heal yourself from these life wounds instantaneously. That it isn’t in fact time, but perspective that heals all wounds and that you can change your perspective in an instant simply by looking at the situation differently; looking at it like how you would after the passing of time only don’t wait, look at it that way now. I have found this to be true. Like that old saying, “The best way to get over an old love is to find a new one”. Why is this true? Because in the bright light of your new love, the old one is like a dim bulb, paling in comparison…always. This is the nature of new love. When you don’t really know your “new love” well, they are perfection in every way because you don’t know any better. You haven’t seen their flaws yet, and even if you have, you are so enveloped in the attraction; you find these flaws “cute”, “attractive”, “sexy” even.
Happiness is a choice we each make each and every day. Even if we don’t realize we have the choice, we do. Ever wonder why certain people who have been given nothing in life, who have had to scape and claw their way to achieving the smallest of goals and yet these people live in absolute bliss, happy just to be alive, happy to have the opportunity to love and be loved, share and be shared with? Every day “above ground” is a good day for them. Then there are others in the world that seem to have everything, a good job, a nice family, a nice home and close friends and yet they are miserable, they see the wrong in everything and are completely unhappy. They turn to drugs or alcohol to try and change their state of mind but in the end, they sober up and they are still unhappy and so they do it all over again. These people end up on a downward trajectory, and sometimes, they never climb out of it. Yet the person who has been given nothing yet is happy to be alive manages to find a way to go to college, get a degree, a job they love and live a happy life. It all boils down to perspective. The happy person wakes up every day excited about making his/her life better. The unhappy person wakes up every day thinking “Oh God another day of being miserable”.
This is true with wounds as well. The happy person is able to look at things differently and change their perspective instantaneously which helps them heal and get over things faster than the unhappy person. The unhappy person picks and picks at the scab and it never seems to heal all the while making them more and more miserable with each passing day. They go through their lives as a ghost, walking wounded through every experience never really appreciating it or the people around them, expecting things to just change automatically. Happiness is a thought process that for some is easier than it is for others. For others it takes some work, but it can be done. You can choose to change your perspective and be happy, be grateful for all the things you have whether big or small, appreciate the people in your life, and forgive those who wound you because more than likely, those people are living quiet lives of desperation, the shell of a person while inside, suffering and not knowing how to change that feeling of “Oh God, another miserable day”.
Every single thing in life happens for a reason. I believe it is usually to teach us something that we need to know. If you can ingrain this idea into your perspective, you are well on your way to being a happy person. Yes, sometimes the things we need to learn are painful, sometimes life isn’t pretty and certainly relationships with people can get pretty ugly and messy but if you can tell yourself on a consistent basis that what you experience is not you, it is an experience and it’s meant to teach a lesson. If you can search and find what that lesson is, take it to heart and appreciate it for what it is, forgive yourself when you make a mistake and celebrate your achievements, know that life is short and we are given a finite amount of time on this earth so don’t waste it being unhappy and miserable especially about things you cannot change, be grateful, truly grateful for the smallest of things because often times, the smallest of things are the greatest gifts, you will find that living is easier, more fulfilling and gratifying. Love with all that you have, give all that you can, help wherever you see the need. The rest will take care of itself. Shabbat Shalom everyone.
