There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone all those years ago before I married. It’s wasn’t
because I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved
someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone
because what if you learn that you need love, and then you don’t have it. What
if you like it, and lean on it, what if you shape your life around it and then
it falls apart. Can you even survive that kind of pain? I still don't know if you can. Loosing love is like
organ damage, it’s like dying. The only difference is, death ends; this...it
could go on forever.
You can seek the advice of others; surround yourself with
trusted advisers but in the end the decision is always yours and yours alone.
Everyone has a method of how to get over loosing love but when it’s time to act and you’re all alone with your back against the wall,
the only voice that matters is the one in your head. The one telling you what
you probably already knew, the one that’s almost always right.
The next step though is predicated upon being able to hear that voice in your head and many of us have more than one, leaving us confused and not knowing which way to go. We have the one that wants to believe the best and the one that believes every one of us is selfish at our core; that there is no one on the planet who thinks about others. Two competing theories that have the same outcome...at the end of the day...you are alone...again, naturally.
In Gilbert O'Sulivan's song he talks about being left at the alter and wanting to throw himself off a tower. He was looking forward to his new life and role as a husband, and in an instant reality cut him to pieces causing him to doubt in God's mercy, even God's very existence. The truth as I have come to know it through the study of Kabbalah is that God put everything here; the good , the bad and everything in between so that when we are in doubt, we would seek knowledge in order to be closer to the creator. Each one of us at any given moment, in sorrow or immense happiness can choose to seek knowledge.
Every one of us has only two choices in life, no matter what situation we are faced with. We think because we're human we have free will in all things but the reality is this: We have only two choices, to activate either the will to receive or the will to bestow. There are no other choices. When you are in a place where you feel you have lost love, the best way to get out of your head, and stop listening to the two competing voices is to activate the will to bestow. Go do something for someone or something else; something that is not self serving. You wil find first of all, love is there because whom ever you bestow upon will be grateful and will show you love in return, but it will also make your pain seem very small when compared to someone who doesn't have food or an animal who has been mistreated and neglected. The added benefit is that even though the reality is, we are each alone in this world, when you help someone or something else, you don't feel it as much.
