Since I was a young child I could always tell when fall was
arriving. It wasn’t in looking at a calendar that was the signal for me. It was
that first color turn of leaves falling to the ground enveloping my world with
the smell of musty wet leaves. It was the crisp air filled night sky which
seemed to make the stars more visible and plentiful. It was the site of
pumpkins every where, on people’s porches, in all the aisles at the grocery
store and the site of them piled high at all the roadside farmer’s markets.
In those days my mother had her summer wardrobe and her
winter wardrobe and now was the time of year when the switch happened. These
days my closet is filled with winter and summer clothes all mixed together and
I wear whatever the day and the weather calls for.
While the old signals still hold true for me that fall is
coming or has already arrived, today I have new signals. Rosh Hashanna, Yom
Kippur, Sukkot. I have my own house now so when the tree in the front yard starts
shedding its leaves, I know its time to get the rake out and turn the air
conditioner off. I know it’s time to clean the filter in the heating system and
mow and weed the front and back yards one last time before winter sets in.
Towards the end of October, I know it’s time to bring in the plants that have
been outdoors since spring and have grown exponentially while being outside in
the direct sunshine and humidity that is so prevalent in the Washington DC
area.
Fall is for me a time for the ending of things that don’t
work any more and the start of bright new beautiful beginnings. For the last
few years, the traumas that I had endured through the year, ended around this
time. And this year, well, this year is no different, except for one thing. This
year, I know who I am. This year I won’t grieve over those endings like I have
in the past. This year, I learned something very important; I learned that I am
worthy. This year I learned that I’m a normal woman with the same desires as
everyone else, to love and be loved in return and that love takes work, input,
face time and open honest communication. I felt the lesson this year that
everything really does happen for a reason and that there is a plan underneath
it all. We may not know what it is, but its there and it’s set up this way so
that we will learn and seek out knowledge, of ourselves, our families, of our
creator and of the community we live in.
Love will get us there, on a wing and a prayer. I don’t know
where we’re going but I know we’ll get there.
